"It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone." -Robin Williams.
These words said by a wise man. You will never see the light of day again. My goal as a child was to get my chance to work with him. On a movie or on TV or something. That dream is now lost, lost in a world where dreams can come true if you truly believe. I believed so much that it would happen, that I would make it so far as to be able to meet him and work with him along side. He took his life on Monday. He took a garbage bag and put it around his head and hung himself. He was depressed, yes. Did he ever talk about it at interviews or something, sometimes yes. Did he show it, no. Did he deserve to die in anyway, no not at all. I will be honest. I am depressed. I have thought about it before. Taking the easy way out. Taking the only way out because no one would do it for me. Did I ever talk about it to my family, no. Friends, only one or two. Did anyone help me, not too much, but enough to make me stop cutting. I never went "deep". I have a kind of like a indent in my wrist, but it is a scar. Have I done it lately? No. Do I want to? Yea, but I don't want to lose my best friend because of it.
What have I tried? OD, suffocation, drowning, getting run over, jumping, and a few more that I can't think of.
Am I sad? Yea, but I don't really express it unless my day was just complete shit or if a certain person asks. How do I hide it? I either stay at home and go on YouTube and avoid people or I get away from my house if there is someone home, I sometimes just walk places, go to the park, play soccer or something. Do I want help? Yea, but I don't think anyone can really help me unless they were inside my brain telling me to stop.
It's only a matter of time, my past has been the most horrific thing I have ever experienced and frankly, I don't ever want to know why those people did what they did. I don't want to know why they keep doing it ether. I have walked around school and in public with bruises and cuts and tears streaming down my face before because of all of it. I act like I'm happy, but inside there is nothing but fear and hatred. I blamed people getting hurt on me. I blamed everything those people did to me, on myself. It might have been anger or hatred towards something else, but I still blamed myself. I have never said that suicide was the answer, but my fear is of commiting, it's not of trying.
"It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone." -Robin Williams
Peace, love and positivity is what some people try to stand by, and I can't help but gag when I say these words. There has never been peace towards me. There has never been love towards me. And there has never been positivity towards me either. I'm different, so is my past.
Have a blessed day/night/evening. RIP Robin Williams. My childhood hero and inspiration forever on until the day I die. God bless.
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