Hello world, and I say that because there are other people around the world, such as people in Bolivia and France, reading my blog. I am very grateful for all of you. I am writing today because I haven't been the best person I should be. I mean that in the way of remorse. Last year, on the day after my birthday June 18,2012, the person who meant the world to me passed. My Uncle Billy is my guardian angel. He was the best uncle you could ask for. I remember the last words he said to me "I love you" and that was about a week or so before my 15th birthday. I never got to say goodbye. I may only be 15, but that was the last thing a girl could say to the person she looks up to. I keep picturing it in my head. Just like a flashback. Looking at myself regretting ever letting him go. I know he is in a better place, though. So, I thank God for that. I wish I could just see him one last time, to talk to him when he isn't in pain. I was about 3,000 miles away from him. The last time I had said "Goodbye" was in 2010 in August. That is when we were moving. Oh, how I miss everyone. I try to pray every night and talk to my uncle every night before I go to bed. I'm crying right now just thinking about what I could have done to help him. He had died about 1 hour or 1 and 1/2 hours after my birthday had past. (so about 1 or 1:30 am) I had gotten a call before I went to bed from my aunt telling me that she was sorry and that my uncle had passed. It's heartbreaking to know that I didn't talk to him before he died. He called me on my birthday, too. He wished me a Happy Birthday and to be honest, I wanted to tell him it wasn't a happy one when someone I loved was being hurt by something that is so powerful, it cannot be stopped. It hurts so much just to think about it. When I visit back to Illinois (in US) I plan to visit my uncle's grave. I plan to pray and talk to him when I see it. I will ball my eyes out because I miss him so much and the only thing left I have of him is a teddy bear with a Cubs jacket on it. That was the gift I received when I had my communion. It's truly heart breaking to know that I didn't try to do anything. I partly thought that not talking to him each and every day up until his passing, was my fault. I actually would have liked him to pass on my birthday because then he and I would have had some kind of connection, a memory of him rather than just a bear that I look at every night.
This post is in memory of my Uncle Billy 6/18/12 I love you <3
