Your Words Cut Deeper Than a Knife

                      The previous post about falling in love tears me apart. I learned to not be friends with benefits with someone that you have only known for 2 months. It was stupid, but I liked him. I am not in love, nor was I ever with this guy. I was so wrapped up in feeling so happy finally after I moved on. I did not really understand what love really was until my first boyfriend. We did everything together for the first time and I felt like on top of the world. Yet, with this guy who turned out to date me for 4 days, made me feel like I was Ten Feet Tall. 

                    Sometimes it all gets a little too much. 

                        I wish I listened to my friends. They told me he was bad news to begin with and I kept saying that he is more than a hook up or a kiss and move on. He was more than that and I could feel it in my bones. Yet, I could not understand that he made it out to be something completely different because he wanted nothing more than friends with benefits. I missed my ex and I took a lot of things from guys, in the sense of: happiness. I did not realize how much that could hurt me and hurt the friendships I had with them. It definitely did hurt them and myself. I am still friends with 2 of the 3 guys. Yes. 3 guys that were my friends, I decided would be the best thing to do and hook up with them because I felt so horrible about myself because I lost someone I loved so much and I did not think for a second what could possibly happen in the future with my friendships if this stuff does not work. One of the guys ended up being closer than I expected. I wanted a relationship and he did not. 

                       Back on topic, I messed up. I did not listen to my homie and my best friend. They were everything to me and their opinions still mean the world to me because they help me make decisions that I can not make by myself this very day. The guy I had gotten with and dated for 4 days ended up going back to his friends and talking shit about me behind my back. I found out and wanted his shit out of my room and I am not that mean to throw or burn someone else's things. I gave it back and they got mad. Do not ask how, but they did because I gave it back by laying their jacket on the front door step. It was a ridiculous excuse to get mad, but in that situation, the text read, "Are you stupid?!?! Why the fuck would you leave it by the front door [...]". I was done at that point because if you are friends with benefits with someone, you do not talk shit about them and then keep fooling around with them. Especially because I still liked that guy and he just played with my heart. 

                      This guy and I were not right for each other, yet he called me princess and treated me like a princess. He knew how to treat a girl besides the whole talking shit on them. But he never did anything wrong and he actually wanted to introduce me to his parents and grandparents. I felt honored to have met them and I wished he would have just stayed the same guy he was when we first met: sweet, generous, cute, and whole-hearted. But instead, he was a complete asshole and treated me like a princess while treating me like shit at the same time. 

                    To my friends: I am sorry for not listening to you at the time. I learned my lesson. 

-the writer

     

VMA's in a Positive, Yet Opinionated Way

Now, Let me get out my notes...

             Well to start, the Video Vanguard award was presented by Taylor Swift and given to Kanye West (aka: Yeezus). In the actual video that the Video Music Awards showed at the beginning was about Kanye West and some of his life goals and aspirations as he grew in the entertainment industry. One of the first things the video had just briefly covered was that he "aimed for perfection" and that "everyday was spent pursuing the images that haunt his dreams". In my mind, I had envisioned that they were talking about the social shaming that comes along with being famous and being a public figure because that is what a majority of public figures deal with in the entertainment industry and any industry including they YouTube industry especially. Secondly, the video went on to say, "It;s important to stay idealistic, to be vulnerable, to see the world through the eyes of a child--free, open, full of wonder and imagination". A lot of the industry is revolved around your work, image, and your social status (in other words, how society sees you). Kanye West is one of the most well-known artists in the industry and a lot of other artists' managers and producers do not want them to associate themselves with Kanye because if could put their image on the line or they will lose views and ratings. When I look at the entertainment industry all I see is: ratings, ratings, ratings, and more ratings. What the industry and the shows and everything looks for and looks at are ratings and reviews because that is what shapes their image. Well-known artists like Big Sean and Paul McCartney and other artists you have heard today. Yet, many artists are either scared to lose their image or scared of what will happen if they thank Kanye West for discovering them,yet at the VMA's we all heard Big Sean proudly thank Kanye for finding him and saying he would not be where he is today if it were not for Kanye, while himself, Kanye and John Legend accept an award.  
            Moving on, another point I wanted to cover was that when Taylor Swift presented his award to him, she had said that Kanye has had one of the greatest careers of all time. Fast forward a little to Kanye's speech, he was given a 2 minute window to speak and he used that 2 minutes for an applause from the audience, which he is baffled by. He made his first sentence start with "Listen to the kids"! Then goes on to explain that if he has a simple conversation with someone in a store, the person will go on to say that he "isn't so bad after all", yet while he says that he gets a laugh from the crowd as though it was supposed to be funny. The social media presents him as this horrible person and his label does and a lot to contribute to that is his music. Yet, we look at his music and see it as good beats and the "shit". He uses his music to be inspiring and spread a message. Then, he talks about the contradiction of fighting for other artists and how he can never find the right thing or the perfect thing to say and it ends up being disrespectful to other artists. He does not understand award shows. The taking of celebrities that work their whole life to be successful with their work and put them on a carpet/ chopping block with judges all around them and have the opportunity to be called a "loser". 
              Lastly, Kanye West gets defensive on stage as he says, "I will die for the art and what I believe in and the art won't always be polite". He goes on to say that this is a new mentality and that we won't control our kids with brands and won't teach our kids low self-esteem and hate to our kids. We will teach our kids that they can be something that they can stand up for themselves and believe in themselves". He gives this amazing speech and again says to listen to the kids. Us kids and teens have an imagination of our own. There are so many artists of different kinds all over the world being discovered for our many talents. We try so hard to succeed but so many industries turn us down because of what we have or where we come from and they don't give us the opportunity we ask for to actually see potential in us. I work my ass off to be someone that I have always wanted to be and frankly, no one has given me the time of day to listen to what I have to say about the entertainment industry. So, to have so many people see my blog and see my opinions on this subject is a dream. To actually be able to sit down and write about my feelings, my life, and my journey is amazing compared to the amount of rejection I get from anyone on a daily basis because they get to voice their opinion and get the attention they want, to the point of them not needing another opinion or perspective of another. So, thank you for sitting here and reading my rant and my message which was: Listen to Kanye West... listen to the kids because we are changing the world little by little and whether you like it or not, we are changing it right now because of the opportunities that we are given in today's atmosphere. Also, if Kanye wants to go through with going for president in 2020, then so be it. He is living his dream so that he can be who he wants to be and live his life without a label on his back and he is spending his time wisely because you never know when life is going to end because of some random occurrence.

                Go for your dreams, don't hold back, and be who you want to be and don't give a fuck about what other people think because when Kanye West gave that speech, he was basically giving a big "Fuck You" to all the artists out there who are too scared to say any of those words on T.V. or in our society today. I applaud Kanye for being that one person who has stood up for all the artists who are too worried about their careers and labels to say anything and too worried about their image in this society because they don't want to be labeled anything or be taken for granted for what they say. Just like Kanye might be taken for granted and not be taken seriously since he said he was going to run for president in 2020.  

Expect the Unexpected. 

-the writer