Your Words Cut Deeper Than a Knife

                      The previous post about falling in love tears me apart. I learned to not be friends with benefits with someone that you have only known for 2 months. It was stupid, but I liked him. I am not in love, nor was I ever with this guy. I was so wrapped up in feeling so happy finally after I moved on. I did not really understand what love really was until my first boyfriend. We did everything together for the first time and I felt like on top of the world. Yet, with this guy who turned out to date me for 4 days, made me feel like I was Ten Feet Tall. 

                    Sometimes it all gets a little too much. 

                        I wish I listened to my friends. They told me he was bad news to begin with and I kept saying that he is more than a hook up or a kiss and move on. He was more than that and I could feel it in my bones. Yet, I could not understand that he made it out to be something completely different because he wanted nothing more than friends with benefits. I missed my ex and I took a lot of things from guys, in the sense of: happiness. I did not realize how much that could hurt me and hurt the friendships I had with them. It definitely did hurt them and myself. I am still friends with 2 of the 3 guys. Yes. 3 guys that were my friends, I decided would be the best thing to do and hook up with them because I felt so horrible about myself because I lost someone I loved so much and I did not think for a second what could possibly happen in the future with my friendships if this stuff does not work. One of the guys ended up being closer than I expected. I wanted a relationship and he did not. 

                       Back on topic, I messed up. I did not listen to my homie and my best friend. They were everything to me and their opinions still mean the world to me because they help me make decisions that I can not make by myself this very day. The guy I had gotten with and dated for 4 days ended up going back to his friends and talking shit about me behind my back. I found out and wanted his shit out of my room and I am not that mean to throw or burn someone else's things. I gave it back and they got mad. Do not ask how, but they did because I gave it back by laying their jacket on the front door step. It was a ridiculous excuse to get mad, but in that situation, the text read, "Are you stupid?!?! Why the fuck would you leave it by the front door [...]". I was done at that point because if you are friends with benefits with someone, you do not talk shit about them and then keep fooling around with them. Especially because I still liked that guy and he just played with my heart. 

                      This guy and I were not right for each other, yet he called me princess and treated me like a princess. He knew how to treat a girl besides the whole talking shit on them. But he never did anything wrong and he actually wanted to introduce me to his parents and grandparents. I felt honored to have met them and I wished he would have just stayed the same guy he was when we first met: sweet, generous, cute, and whole-hearted. But instead, he was a complete asshole and treated me like a princess while treating me like shit at the same time. 

                    To my friends: I am sorry for not listening to you at the time. I learned my lesson. 

-the writer