Last night was an eye-opener. At about 2:30 a.m., I snuck out to see a guy that I have liked a lot for over a month now. It was the first time I ever snuck out of my house and can I just say how nervous I was at getting caught.. shaking and me constantly looking around to make sure no one sees or comes outside. As nerve racking as that is, the second we kissed, I felt wanted, loved, and appreciated. Like he said on the 4th of July, "We have our own fireworks right here". We hugged for a little bit and that's when it hit me, "I think I'm falling in love". It's not that he isn't the right guy, he is beyond amazing and perfect and just all around my hero, but we aren't together.. which is a bit of a problem with me falling only for the reason that I want to be with him, I want to explore the world with him and go on little adventures. As long as it is with him, I will be happy or, as long as I still have him present I will be happy. But, that doesn't mean present in the sense of right by my side because we both have lives that we need to live so a hug and a kiss here and there will suffice. But frankly, being friends with benefits kills me sometimes... most of the time... okay, fine -all the time.
We dated for a good 4 days and broke up because certain things in his life took over. We talked about after it being all over, that we could see where things go if we are together and it isn't working in my favor. I feel like I'm being used for sexual favors, but I know him enough to know he isn't doing that. This past week, we didn't see each other a single day, but we talked here and there and what shocked me was that he was dying to see me and kiss me.. but I couldn't tell if that was him being in a state of sexual attraction talking or actually him wanting to see me. He drives me crazy in the sense of me needing to see him at least 1 time a week. Like, that is pretty fucking good for someone who used to see him everyday for 2 weeks straight when we first met. That is all we did for 2 weeks after the 3rd.... we hung out from noon till whenever. Don't get me wrong, I adore him to the absolute fullest, but when you see him everyday for that long, you want to be with him for a long time.
The second I knew I was falling in love with my handsome knight in shining armor, I knew something was gonna go wrong. I write almost every month whether it be in my journal or on here. Yet, every time I write about a guy I like, something goes wrong. Although him and I have gotten super close, sexually and personally; adventure is always in the air. We definitely had the best adventure on the 25th of July in a van... hahaha! That's all I'm gonna say because I think you get the idea of what 2 people who are very attracted to each other can do in the back of a van with every aching bone in their body to not do something too fast... although, it was fast if you look at it from the time we met to then, but I felt like whenever you are ready to do more than just hook up, go for it... but only when you are ready. Words of Advice: Don't let someone pressure you into sex. It isn't something anyone should force on their partner. Please, don't force anyone to do anything that they don't want to.
-the writer
No comments:
Post a Comment